if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize