I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party