You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.