guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
