I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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