she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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