gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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