dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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