I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
