Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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