I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
