We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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