He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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