Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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