...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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