your room smells of hookers.
And success
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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