my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize