Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
