He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize