I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
