3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
