is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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