I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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