if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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