i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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