im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize