Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He did a backflip because drugs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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