I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize