1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
They have beer where we have blood.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
