I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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