I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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