I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
