quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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