He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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