i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
