i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize