Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
