Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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