A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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