I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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