God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was born a porn star she said
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.