You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning