Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream