im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems