I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church