i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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