Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
