I just made out with a guy for $7.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you