it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends