I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.