they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
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So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.