it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
