Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
