Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can I color on your dick again?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
