Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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