I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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