Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
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That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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