On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
