i think my tv is drunk
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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