you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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